The Parenting Crash Cycle: When Yesterday’s Success Becomes Today’s Failure
We’ve all been there. One day we’re “killing it” as parents, confidently gliding through the sky with our newly gained wisdom. “Maybe I finally got it,” we think as the morning routine flows smoothly and arguments dissolve easily.
But just as we start looking down at the lowly mortals who still haven’t figured it out, we feel it: we’re losing altitude. We’re speeding up, we’re going down instead of up! We pull all our tried-and-true tricks, but… CRASH.
There it is again: the meltdown, the arguments, the “why-oh-why did this work yesterday but not today?!”
As a child psychologist, I see this frustration constantly. Parents try everything, but nothing works consistently. One day your child responds beautifully to redirection, the next day the exact same approach triggers a complete meltdown.
The questions I tend to get are often alike: “What should I be doing more or less of? What’s the secret ingredient I’m missing?”
Here’s what research reveals: there’s a reason why strategies work inconsistently, and it’s not because you’re failing as a parent.
When scientists studied parenting approaches that consistently predict positive outcomes, they found one crucial element they all share: consistently taking your child’s viewpoint and experience into account.
The critical question isn’t “What strategy should I use?” but “What is my child experiencing right now?”
NOT what we think they should be experiencing, but what they actually are, in this moment.
This shift from reacting to their behavior to responding to their experience can make all the difference. This isn’t easy to improvise, but it’s a learnable skill.
In my next post: The research that brings cohesion to parenting principles that work, and how this understanding can illuminate your own path forward.